I used to be cool.
Despite the overwhelming evidence presented by my children at any given time, I like to think, I used to be cool. I cling to this notion as I drop my kids off at school in the morning, still sporting my pajamas and Mrs. Frizzle hair. One could argue the mere fact that I can pull off a Mrs. Frizzle reference, grants me an automatic bump in cool points, but for the sake of time, we will move along. Never-mind the five syllabled mooooooooommm that bellows out of my beloved children's mouths (bless them) at even the most innocent of gestures. I will shout it from the rooftops, I-USED-TO-BE-COOL; and maybe, just maybe, have some of that coolness lingering about at this very moment. I stand by this, friends, and present the following arguments as evidence.
1.) Like most of my cool friends, I know every word to the fresh prince of Bel-Air’s theme song. The song came out and bam, I knew every single word. Every. Single. Word. Without hesitation or stutter. When that familiar beat drops, my little 90s heart flutters in anticipation of those five little words we all know and love, In West Philadelphia born and raised. I sing it with gusto. I sing it with conviction. I don’t care where I am or what I’m doing, that song comes on and you better believe, I’m moving with my Auntie and Uncle to Bel Air. Even as I type those words, I. am. singing. them. It can’t be stopped. Why? Because it has been and always will be cool. Period.
2.) The second reason I used to be cool; and, for the record I realize that the two words that follow may lose a few of you, but let it marinate. Ping pong. You are currently reading the words of the 1990 Camp Buckner Ping Pong Champion Record Holder Extraordinaire (fine, I added extraordinaire for good measure, but it was a thing). To clarify, I didn’t actually win ping pong, here’s what happened. I was in the throws of a deeply competitive game of ping pong, when all at once I swung back to inflict the power slam of a lifetime. Space and time aligned, the angels sang from the heavens, and Michael W. Smith’s Friends are Friends forever played softly in the midst. It was then, at that very instant, my paddle struck the ball, lofting it high into the air, situating it ever so perfectly in the rafters, where it stayed. You heard me right, it did not wobble, fall or hesitate. It just stayed there, perched perfectly between to opposing boards. There was cheering, there was amazement, there was a certificate. It was very cool, you’re just going to have to trust me on this one.
3.) 1st through 4th Grade Laci could rock a side ponytail like it was my full time job. Granted most of my clothes at that time had some form of three dimensionality to them, thanks mom. To this day, mom insists this was very cool, a fact I have yet to verify. Nevertheless, I do know, the side pony was without a doubt, cool. See for references Punky Brewster, Stephanie and or DJ Tanner, and any girl under the age of twelve that appeared on Nickelodeon's Double Dare, staring Mark Summers.
4 &5.) Points four and five can be summed up with these words: KILLER DANCE MOVES & BACKUP VOCALS. A case could be made that points four and five, may actually border on making me currently cool, so pay close attention. For years, it is a widely known fact that you can count on me know the moves and or words to every cliche song circa 1982-present day. I have been storing up and perfecting these little chestnuts for years, which can be performed at a moments notice. You need to Lean on Me, check. You feel the need to belt out a Mariah Carey chart topper but don’t know how you are going to round it out? Boom, back up vocals. What’s that? Cupid Shuffle? Check & Check & two stomps this time. The Sprinkler, The Shopping Cart, The Wobble? Covered. Songs from movies, 90s era Celina Dion, Crossroads by one Bone Thugs and Harmony…I am and always have been there for you because…cue the music….Sometime’s in our lives….we all have pain, we all have sooooorrrroooowww…But, if we are wise….we know that there’s...always tomorrow…lean on me. I think I got side tracked there a bit, but you get the picture.
So there it is, friends. Five concrete reasons I used to be cool and, quite possibly have some residual coolness left in me at this very moment. I think we can all agree that the ping pong one really put me over the edge on cool points; again, just to reiterate, it was a big deal. I think in the end, we all could build a strong case of past coolness our children and friends would marvel at. Drop us a line and let us know your story, cool friend. I would also encourage you, mom to mom, friend to friend, to remind my children, should you see them, that their mom, in fact, used to be cool. I will do the same for you. Cool?
-Laci
Comments (5)
Love this! I used to be cool too (a fact my son does not believe). My first car was a ’66 Mustang. Candy Apple Red. Does it get any cooler?
Absolutely hilarious!!! I haven’t laughed this much reading a blog post is a LONG time. You NAILED all 5 points!
This post is so cool I can’t stand it! I get every single point.
Extremely cool! Such a fun and totally relatable post. How am I just finding your blog?
You still got your fastball! By your scale I think most of our fellow grade school friends may be qualifying or on the fringe at very least! As with everything – I wish you the best in all ventures.
Congrats friend, maybe it was for cool points but I believe it’s Marc Sunmers starring not staring at DoubleDare! Haha.